Amanda Hanna’s Guide to Coming Off the Pill (YAZ)

At the end of March (5 months ago), I stopped taking YAZ birth control pill. After being on this specific form of low-dose hormone birth control for 7 years, I was not prepared for the extreme side-effects of stopping. When I noticed these drastic symptoms, I contacted my doctor (now ex-doctor) who told me it was all in my head. After some internet research, I noticed I was not alone, so in the interest of science (Science!), I have decided to share my experience here.

But first, why I decided to stop taking YAZ….

About two years ago I noticed that despite working-out vigorously for 5-6 days a week, and eating fairly healthily, I was slowly gaining weight that refused to come off. I began to tighten-up my diet and experiment with different work-outs, hoping that my body would respond to the changes. This was ineffective. I plunged further into the juicing and detox aspects of weight control, to no end. Eventually, I decided that I should do some blood tests and see if my problem was rooted in my thyroid. My maternal aunt and paternal aunt have thyroid troubles, so I had reason to believe my weight-gain symptom was my body telling me that something was wrong. What do you know–my thyroid result came back “funny”, and I was sent to a specialist for more testing.

Long story short, my thyroid was not the problem. It was my birth control. The hormones in my birth control, after a number of years, had started to mess with my thyroid reading. However, I was assured that the result was the only thing that my pill was messing with. It was NOT the cause of this stubborn weight-gain. People looked at my fatty arms and stomach and told me (straight-faced) that perhaps I was gaining muscle. (HA!)

In March of this year, armed with some newly-purchased fancy health insurance (pregnancy is a side-effect of stopping the pill after all), I decided to stop putting this toxin in my body. The following symptoms (they are not pretty), occurred.

So, without further ado, I give you: Amanda Hanna’s Guide to Coming Off the Pill (YAZ):

1. Don’t buy any new clothes!: When I was on the pill, I weighed 130lbs. 30 days after stopping the pill I weighed 137lbs. Five months after stopping the pill I am now back at my pre-pill weight of 125lbs. (Update: 7 months post pill and I am 122lbs. Weight keeps slipping off. I am not complaining). I haven’t done anything differently. I eat healthily during the week and whatever I want on the weekends. I make an effort to work-out 5 days a week (4 days during the week and 1 day on the weekend). My new GYN thinks the initial weight-gain was my body going into panic withdrawing from the pill, and the subsequent loss has been my body realizing that I am not pregnant (the pill prevents pregnancy by telling your body that you are already pregnant) and therefore, do not need to store 10lbs of water weight for breast feeding. All my clothes are big on me, however I am still waiting to buy any new clothes because I’ve read that your body doesn’t go back to normal until a year post-pill.
2. Don’t waste money on facials or skin care products!: While I was spared the acne that normally plagues teenagers in my youth, I am now experiencing Montazuma’s revenge on my face, shoulders, neck, scalp and back. That’s right! I’m disgusting right now. The best part is that nothing seems to be able to fix it. I have about US$1,000 worth of fancy face products in my bathroom and not one of them has managed to spare me this scourge of acne. This coupled with my frantic mood swings has my husband convinced he is living with a teenage girl.
3. Stay away from your sensitive friends and family members: On a normal day I’d say I’m kind of bitchy, but post-pill my wrath has progressed to incomparable levels. I literally cannot tolerate speaking to people. I find them unbearably droll and cannot resist displaying my raw contempt. I walk around sporadically wanting to tell any and everybody to go F* themselves. My already low tolerance for mindless gossip and small talk is at an all-time low. I have no choice but banish myself to the confines of my home lest I rip my skin off, swing from building to building and wreak havoc on tiny Japanese pedestrians like King Kong (I didn’t watch King Kong. He wreaked havoc on Japan, right?)
4. Shave your head and save yourself a lot of time: My hair is falling out in clumps. No, really. Like, by the handful. Since I work-out almost every day, I wash my hair almost every day, and when I run my comb through my hair, I almost have a heart attack when I look down. I’ve always been a shedder, but in this post-pill era, I would say I lose about a quarter pound of hair a day (maybe this explains the weight-loss). And. It’s. Everywhere. All over my house, my clothes, my husbands clothes, both our cars, in crannies and crevices where hair should never be. (I won’t elaborate because it is quite gross, but use your imagination). At this point I wouldn’t be surprised if NASA called to say a clump of my hair was found orbiting the Earth.
5. Kiss that regular, predictable period goodbye: Seven years of predictability is something you will miss wistfully, every time someone asks if you want to go to the beach. “Umm…..I dunno…..I might get my period?” Is something you will find yourself saying basically every day of life. Let me break it down here. In the past 5 months I have had 3 periods. The first cycle was 31 days. The second was 41 days. The third was 51 days. This is something that happens because your body has to re-learn it’s patterns. Of course, I’ve gone through a million pregnancy tests, a thousand online chat rooms and 2 GYN’s to grasp this, but it’s true. I can’t make plans. I can’t wear white shorts. I can’t go to the beach. I am a prisoner of my body and there’s no sign that anything is getting more stable.

So there you have it. If you decide that you’d like to switch your birth control from hormone-based to condoms or non-hormone IUDs, take heed. It’s not pretty. These symptoms have just been in the past 5 months, I still have 7 months to go. (Fingers-crossed I don’t have to add to this list). If you’ve never been on the pill and are contemplating starting it–Don’t! Find another way. Having a baby might even be less of an imposition to your life.

Amanda Hanna is not here for your amusement. She has books for sale. Buy them or she’ll tell you to go F* yourself! DATING FOR DINNER, THE NEW YORK CATCH, NEW YORK SOCIALITE, NEW NEW YORK, (OR 3-IN-1 NEW YORK SERIES), RED ROCK CAFE (SET IN JAMAICA), OR MIDLIFE WIFE.