Things I Wish My Parents Did Differently

In life as a grown-ass-person, there are circumstances I’ve come upon that I feel I could’ve been better prepared for, during childhood. My parents did a pretty good job exposing me to things, so I can’t knock them too hard, but I do come upon times when I say, “Damn it, parents!” and since my Facebook has become recently flooded with new parents, I figure why not share some of these observations with them? Maybe their kids, when they become as ‘grown-ass’ as myself, won’t have any ‘Damn it, parents!’ moments.

So without further ado, I give you:

Amanda Hanna’s Things I Wish My Parents Did Differently:

1. Taught me how to cook. I understand it was the 80’s when I was born, and my parents were in their early twenties and probably didn’t know much about cooking themselves, but it would’ve been really nice if they’d taught me how to feed myself in the real world. I’m not talking gourmet chef kinds of things, I mean a few basic, simple meals. My mother, a paragon of fire (and water) paranoia, was constantly in fear of me going near the stove (or knives, or microwaves, or the mixer or basically anything other than the fridge and snack cupboard). As a result, here I am, an avid buyer of fast food.

2. Taught me how to drive before I had to get my license. My baby brother learned to drive at ten. He was driving a boatload of his friends up and down our road in his babysitters car, before I even sat in a drivers seat. My father (who was paranoid about all things me and moving vehicles), would tell me that he’d be happy to drive me anywhere I needed to go for the rest of my life, and there was no need for me to actually learn myself. As a result, my driving instruction happened two weeks at a time, several months apart, when I’d come home on school breaks. I moved to New York after college (primarily) because I was terrified of driving.

3. Taught me to play an instrument. To this day I wish I’d learned to play piano. Of course, there is still time to do this, but man, would it have been easier if my parents just tossed that in between my JMTC rehearsals and Tony Wilson Dance practices! My brain is practically rotten for learning new things, at this point.

4. Not wasted their money on my elaborate birthday parties. By the time I was old enough to remember my birthday parties, my mother had run out of steam, money and time to keep them going. Allegedly I had carnival sized birthday parties through the ages of 1 to 5. After 5, they got rather paired down to the immediate family and one school friend that I remember today. What a waste! If only my parents had put that birthday party money into my college fund then I wouldn’t have had to take out student loans for that last year of college.

5. Not lied to me about Santa Claus. I have mistrusted ALL human beings since this occurred. And really, was it worth it?

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