Why do people write to God on Facebook? Probably for the same reason people send birthday love to their One Year Olds, on Facebook. Does your One Year Old have Facebook? Can your One Year Old read? Every time I see a status message that starts: “Oh God, please help me”, I can’t help but wonder: Does God have a social media department?
I can practically picture it. Some beige office space, with clouds instead of tile floors, filled with floating IPADS. The sign on the door says: Holy Media Shiz. This is the place where God answers the prayers that come in the form of tweets and status messages. Can’t you just SEE IT, though? It’s like any ordinary office except every now and then, a flock of birds fly under foot. There is someone playing a Lil Wayne song on a Harp. It’s just cold enough to warrant a light dove-feathered sweater. And wouldn’t you know it, everyone is always out to lunch, when you need anything.
Enter God: nails freshly manicured, hair, perfectly coiffed, new shoes squeezing His/Her heels. God sits down, grabs a floating IPAD and begins reading….
And wouldn’t you know it. Same old boring complaints, day in, day out.
“Oh God, please help my dog find his way back home!”
“Please God, make the Knicks win tomorrow night! I’ve bet my mortgage payment on them and I can’t do Your work if I’m homeless!”
“God, why are men so cruel? Will you ever find me a husband???”
“Oh God, please make my hair grow back. I absolutely HATE IT this short!”
God probably rolls His/Her eyes, and reclines in the creaky office chair. He/She clicks on the status bar and begins to type…
“Dear Mankind, do you think I have NOTHING BETTER to do, than spend my afternoon F*ing around on Facebook?”
Suddenly, an angel named Barnabe, rushes in and places his hands on God’s shoulders: “Oh God, there’s been another school shooting on the Second Continent. Where were you? People are calling out and you are nowhere to be found!”
God, lets out a big sigh.
“I’m sorry Barnabe, I’ll be right there after I finish watering this crop of corn on Farmville.”
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La Dolce Vita 