Married Women: This Is What I Don’t Understand….

Every day, senseless tragedies happen across the globe. Bombs go off. Children are orphaned. Planes disappear. And people get outraged. Every day I read their posts expressing their absolute dumbfounded-ness at other people’s inhumanity on facebook–their blindness to the truth–their acceptance of the lies– their questions as to whether it could’ve been prevented. Yet every day I observe a phenomenon, that can potentially have a DIRECT affect on these peoples lives, that they choose to ignore. 

I’m talking about your slutty, single friend.

Now women, I understand that many friendships pre-date your marriages. You and your single, slutty friend have been through a lot together. Remember that time your slutty friend was sleeping with that married man? Boy, did his wife lay into her, in the middle of that terribly public place! How about the time your slutty, single friend went to the country with your other friend’s family and ended up sleeping with her father? That was non-stop drama for months on end. What a great time, you had! You and your single, slutty friend, talked for hours about it over Margaritas.

And then you met your husband. Sure, in the beginning, you didn’t know you were going to marry him. He may have even been flirting with your slutty, single friend before things got too serious. What does it matter now, though? You are married and your friend is continuing on with her single, slutty ways.

And Thank God For Her!

She is the only drama left in your life. You live vicariously through her many misadventures. You can taste the sting of her last jilted affair. You try to set her up with your husband’s friends, but once they get what they want, she’s on her own again. You feel sad that she’s alone for the holidays, so you invite her to tag along with your new family to the country. All of your other friends are currently attached, and you’d hate for your single, slutty friend to feel left out. After all, you go way back.

Sure, her bikini is a tad revealing for your taste, but it’s her life! She is just trying to feel better about herself. The rest of the world may notice she has low self-esteem, but isn’t that why you’re her friend? To build her up? To let her know that she is worth more than she thinks? And fine–maybe she dances a little too close to your husband when you’re out. It’s just because she feels safe around him. She wouldn’t want a bunch of strange men whining up on her. Let people talk–they are idle!

She’s the first person you call when the three months pass and you’re ready to announce that you’re pregnant.

And even though she says she’s happy for you, there’s almost a twinge of sadness in her voice. You take that to mean that she feels she might lose you, or perhaps, that she feels somehow left out or jealous. You make a mental note to be extra nice to her. She starts hanging out at your house every night, after dinner. Your pregnancy takes a serious toll on your ability to stay up late, but you don’t want her to feel “not included”, so you encourage her to stay after you’ve gone to bed, so your husband has someone with whom to watch “Scandal”.

Your husband expresses his uneasiness with this suggestion, and you silence him. Why doesn’t he see that your friend needs to feel welcome???

After a week or two, you hardly notice the grin on her face, when you announce that you’re turning in for the night.

Inevitably, the inevitable happens, and it’s like a lightning bolt to your entire world. You feel like a fool, because you are THE ONLY ONE ON EARTH who is surprised by this news. As you re-tell the story, over an over, to relatives, strangers, mutual acquaintances who want to know, how come they don’t see you with so-and-so again?, and each time, the picture gets just a little more clear in your mind. You were a fool. The signs were there, and you ignored them. Now, there is no going back.

So my question is this: why do you women harbor up single, slutty friends in your house, with your husband, when you KNOW what the outcome will be? Of all the excuses going through your mind right now, which one is worth ending your marriage?

 

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