Should I Die Young–Don’t Bury Me!

After too much conversation with my mother, inevitably, I begin to look towards my death with somewhat rose-colored glasses. And every time this happens, I say, “I need to write down what I want to happen to me after I die, somewhere that people can find it.” So I figured, why not write it down here? This is my blog. Surely, some do-gooder can pass along my wants to whomever has the joy of dealing with my remains.

So here it is, folks. Amanda Hanna’s Wishes In Death:

1. I would like to be cremated. Please cremate me and toss my ashes wherever it is most convenient to you. Off a hill, into the wind, whatever. I’m not sentimental. At one time, I would’ve told you “anywhere but the ocean,” but it’s hasty to assume that just because I fear the ocean in life, that I’d have a problem with it when I’m dead. After all–if I’m eaten by a shark when I’m dead, I won’t feel a thing. And haven’t we done enough to sharks? Don’t they deserve to eat, too? I’d be glad to feed them.

2. I do not wish to have a “funeral” in a church with all that ceremony. If you would like to remember me in some way, which is your right, as I am dead and this time is for your grief, please do so. It can be at a house, it can be outside. Wherever is comfortable. I don’t mind a prayer or two, but I am not a church-ish person, so I feel like all the Bible reading would be rather hypocritical. Instead, please look to literature for reading excerpts. I am partial to The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost for it’s irony. He is romanticizing the road he didn’t take, mockingly, as if it would’ve made any difference in the outcome of his life. I have always believed the same thing. No matter what choices I make, career-wise and personal-wise, I have always thought I’d end up exactly who I was supposed to be. Of course, it’s your memorial, so you can read whatever literature is most meaningful to you. I won’t be there. Don’t try to pander to my wants too much.

3. Please refrain from tweeting, or facebooking long sappy remembrances for me. I hate that. Seriously, I will haunt you.

4. All my possessions are to be left to my husband, Matthew Garel. He is to give my 2 gold bangles and 1 diamond bangle to Tejal Patel, for her daughter Kayli, and Iliya Hamilton is to get my diamond studs, and my gold cuff. My engagement ring and wedding band should go to my niece, Maya Garel. The rest of my jewelry is to be shared between Rebecca Karram and Liann Ammar. James Karram is to get my restored Sunbeam Mix Master. That is all.

5. For information about the musical selection to be played at my memorial, please contact Joseph Argabrite. He will know what’s best. In the event that I died alongside Joseph Argabrite, in some freak, drunken-frolicking accident, the score of Rent should suffice.

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