Truthfully, I don’t understand how people are pro-creating right now. Maybe they are ignoring the costs associated with birthing and raising and educating a miniature human being, at this specific historical/ poor-economic time. Maybe they have a picture in their head of what their life should look like, and are disregarding all facts in order to make the picture complete. (Pictures are much prettier than facts, in my experience). Maybe I’m poor, and everyone around me is infinitely wealthier. Maybe! Because, you know, I looked into the whole birthing thing, the other day, because I got it in my head that I might like to have a baby. Well, that didn’t last long! The health insurance costs of simply HAVING a kid, put me off, immediately. We are talking half my savings for a single year, when you include all the maternity stuff! To be renewed every year! For….like…ever! And God forbid anything is wrong with your kid when s/he come out. We are talking bankruptcy, people! (Ask Suze Orman, if you think I’m kidding!)
I was talking to a friend of mine with kids the other day, and I asked if he thought the ‘kid-having thing’ was really what people made it out to be. Guess what? He didn’t. He said it’s nice to pass on your genetic material, and to have the chance to really mold someone into whoever they are gonna be, but based on the cost of doing so, these days, he says if he could do it all over, he wouldn’t bother. I don’t think people realize the amount of time, energy and money, having a kid today, requires. Not to mention the constant worrying about keeping them safe–physically, mentally and emotionally. And despite how much I rant and rave about this stuff, b*itches still be like, I wanna-have-a-baby-so-I-don’t-have-to-work-anymore! Even though I feel that argument, I can’t help but wonder: but won’t you and your baby starve to death? Or are you planning to breast feed until high school?
Anyhow, think about how much more you could do with your life, if you skipped the whole “pass me an ovulation kit” phase. You could see the world. You could learn and grow as a person. You could learn to speak Portugese. Or German. Or Finish! You could actually contribute to others that are not of your genetic material and make a true contribution to the global community with your assorted talents. (And those, like me, without discernible talent, can watch Netflix, unlimited, for $8 a month!) The possibilities are endless.
So what really peeves me is that women I know, who are capable of so much more, are boxing themselves into this timeline of “I have to have kids by age X, therefore I have to complete this and that by age Y, because once I have kids, that’s it!” I mean, seriously, what is the big F*ing deal? Didn’t many-a-good bra get burned so women would never have to say ‘that’s it, I’m a mom now’? And anyway, do you really think you can afford this whole dog and pony show? I mean, seriously.
(Is everyone richer than me? Everyone??)
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La Dolce Vita 
Posted by Lindsay on October 8, 2013 at 7:54 pm
Kids are extremely expensive, there’s no masking that fact. Aside from the cost of actually raising them, there’s also the expense of birthing them, which can cost thousands of dollars (honestly). It is also exhausting, demanding and usually thankless. I did not know the meaning of selflessness until I had a child. So why do people have children? Because of the amazing, incomparable, transformative power of loving them. A parent’s love for a child is deeper than any romantic love; it’s more complete, purer, and more perfect. Yes, I could be traveling the world right now, I could have my fulfilling career back, I could be learning some obscure African language while living in Paris. But all of that would be hollow without my child now that I know what parental love is.
I also don’t think that most women give up and say, “ok, I’m a mom now, it’s over.” I have so many talented and smart friends who also happen to be mothers. Women don’t have to let motherhood define them; they can decide their own identity. What happens is the gradual acceptance that most people can’t have everything that they want all at once. Making sacrifices forges personal character and strength.
Just like women shouldn’t give up on themselves if they hope to restart a career, society shouldn’t give up on full time moms. Just cause we’re changing diapers now, doesn’t mean we aren’t capable of killing it in the board room. Don’t look down on us! 🙂
Posted by Live From The Red Rock on October 9, 2013 at 5:27 am
Of course not. I don’t look down on mothers. I find, most times, they look down on themselves. At least, that’s been my experience from talking to them. Quite a few women have passed a comment alluding to the end of their career, at the point of pregnancy. And hey–who needs a career? Careers aren’t for everybody. I think being a mother is an insanely tough job, especially today. All I can say is, for the foreseeable future, it’s not for me. Not only can I not afford it, but I sincerely doubt I’d have the patience to be any good at it.