Dear Future Crazies

Dear Future Crazies of the world,

It’s sunrise and I haven’t been able to sleep, because I’m up thinking about you. I know you’re out there, ordering inordinate amounts of ammunition online, fiddling with your garden variety explosives, and throwing darts at that high school bully who still haunts your dreams. Or perhaps you’re asleep, dreaming about all the ways you’ve been wronged in the world. Maybe your father abandoned you. Maybe your mother never breast-fed you. Maybe the first girl you ever slept with broke your heart and gave you herpes. I’m sure there are a long list of people who walk this earth who have done you wrong, and with whom you feel the need to get even.

Perhaps you’ve thought it out, plotting each exact move, on how you’d make them pay.

You might be playing a video game right now, that simulates some bloody scene, and replacing the faceless zombies in your cross-hairs for a school full of innocent children, or maybe even a movie theater full of unarmed patrons, or better yet, a marathon full of hopeful winners. You probably hate winners, because you’ve never been one yourself.

That’s it, isn’t it? You’re tired of watching other people win? Or maybe you’re tired of being invisible?

After all, you’re an average caucasian male, with non-descript features, and medium brown hair, who keeps to himself, aren’t you? You can’t get a job because all these illegals keep coming in and stealing your jobs because they’ll work for practically nothing. You can’t get a girlfriend because who wants a guy who barely affords the bus? All these ads for higher education come on TV, but when you try to get a student loan, they tell you that your credit’s shot to sh#t, due to your car getting repo-ed last Fall. Life pretty much sucks. Meanwhile, all your facebook friends are living the dream. You’re the only one going nowhere.

But that can all change, can’t it? If you maybe get a couple guns and some explosives, everyone will know your name, won’t they? You’ll be seen, at last! Nobody can deny that you lived on this planet, no matter how poorly you left it.

So if you’re following my train of thought here, and you know exactly what I mean, there’s really only one thing for you to do. Seek help! I’m not talking about in a chat room or by calling some hotline, I mean, go straight to a hospital and tell someone what you’re thinking!

Why?

Because you are a crazy and the world has enough crazies!

Honestly, planet Earth, human-kind, posterity–we are done full up of crazy! Anyone who could look at people who want to learn something new, or relax after a long day in the dark of a movie theater, or accomplish a dream by running a marathon, and think murderous thoughts, is sick beyond belief and needs to reach out to someone else. It’s not a joke! If you feel like picking up a weapon and ruining someone else’s life, will somehow make your life better, or more justified, you need to seek immediate help!

Why? Because I cannot sleep, that’s why. I cannot close my eyes and know that you exist freely in this world, and at any moment, can rare your ugly head once again. I cannot sleep because the images on the news haunt my dreams, like your high school bully haunts your dreams. I cannot be alright, having a kid someday and knowing that you are out there plotting against him or her.

So, please, I am begging you, seek some help.

I know the American Dream seems impossible, especially now, when things are so tough on so many people. We live in a culture that glorifies wrong behavior. All you have to do is turn on MTv to see the Real World cast members ripping each other apart, getting totally wasted and making bad decisions. And hey–that’s all a part of being young, I get it, but do we need to broadcast it to the world, Mtv? Or how about these toddlers in their tiaras, TLC? Is this a beneficial, admirable part of society that should be glamorized? And how about Lindsay Lohan and these other troubled Hollywood actresses? Is it necessary that they be pushed in our faces constantly? TV in America paints a pretty bleak picture about what we value as a society. I get that you might be mad about that. We all should be a little mad about that, but do we need to turn on the news and see more horror? Do we need to watch people with bloody, missing limbs, be carried through smoke and debris? Will that fix America? Will that cure anybody of whatever you think ails them, or yourself?

So, before you make a drastic move, please consider what I’m saying. You are the master of your destiny, and you can control your own happiness. Do not let your happiness come at the expense of others. Do not cause anymore chaos in this already chaotic world. Think about it. Get some help before it’s too late.

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