Jennifer Anniston spends $8,000 a month, feeding, exercising, scrubbing and massaging her way into her idyllic state of natural beauty, and while many are shocked by this amount, I am not. Jennifer Anniston is a movie star. It’s her job to look flawless at all times and during all stages of life.
After all, I was a total nobody at twenty-two, and that didn’t stop me from spending obnoxious amounts of money on my appearance. There were no photographers trailing me, with an ever-ready camera. I had zero red-carpet events to attend, yet I still managed to spend a whopping figure on basic, human up-keep.
At 28, an age where I consider putting my diamond studs up on E-Bay for auction, in hopes of one day owning a home, I can’t help but regret all the cash I devoted to painting my nails and doing my hair. As they say in AA, you cannot move on in life if you don’t confront your shameful past. So here it is: my shameful past of narcissistic spending sprees, that neither bettered my life nor landed me a rich husband:
1. Weekly Mani-Pedi/ Eyebrow Threading/ Facials/ Massages: $5,400
2. One new pair of shoes for every month that I lived in New York: $1,500
3. Monthly Hair Appointments with my beloved, Carlos: $3,000
4. Buying 3 new outfits for every date: $2,000 — $5,000
5. Pre-dinner and drinks so that I didn’t eat too much on the dates and showed up tipsy: $(who remembers things that end up on their credit cards? Not me!)
6. Gym Membership: $80 per month, for 8 months, plus a $150 initiation fee.
7. Oodles of protein bars, diet pills, and health food: $1500
8. 2 personal trainers: $3,000 (one for weights, one for pilates)
9. Business Suits with work-appropriate accessories: $1500
10. Miscellaneous expenses like taxis, town cars, and services to make my life easier like organic wine home delivery: $5,000
Yes, it hurts now, to know that I squandered so much money on garbage in my youth. I believed it to be an investment in my landing a rich husband, but really, it was a waste of time, and here I am, on the cusp of turning 30 and without a home of my own.
Still, I have to admit, it was fun at the time, to spend so frivolously on things that made me so happy. In fact, if given the chance, I mightn’t do anything differently, just for the chance to be young and hopeful once again in New York City…
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La Dolce Vita 