Busy-Bodied Facebook Friends

My friends on Facebook exhaust me. If they’re not having babies then they’re climbing un-climbable mountains, or sky-diving or wind-surfing or….um….regular surfing. It darn well tuckers me out reading about all this great stuff they spend their days accomplishing, where as, for me, a shower is an accomplishment. Getting out of bed before noon, is an accomplishment. Not eating an ENTIRE BAG of Dorritos is an accomplishment (however short lived, because you know I’m going to polish them off before I go to bed).

When do people have time to climb mountains and make babies? I’m so confused.

Do regular people have longer days than I do? Do they give-up the glorious ten hour slumbers that I drug myself into every night, in favor of ten minute power naps and cocaine? Do they find jobs that actually pay them more than minimum wage and provide ample vacation time for such hobbies as jumping from a moving airplane with a backpack and fingers on both hands crossed?

Well, they must, right? Otherwise wouldn’t we all have such colorful facebook pages?

And how about these vegans? They really mystify me. Not only do they grow their own food, and juice their own fruits and veggies, but they absolutely do not eat meat or animal products. Can you imagine such a thing? Part of my nightmare about coming down with some incurable, debilitating disease is that I probably won’t be able to eat meat. Dear God, the horror!

And think about it–gardening. That involves digging holes in the ground, planting seeds, watering them, fertilizing them, ploughing, mowing, hoe-ing and all sorts of other ing-ing’s, and then what? You get a swarm of bugs and it all goes down the tubes. Meanwhile, what do you eat?

I tell you, my facebook friends really make me want to take a nap, and not because I am the laziest person on the planet, but because they are probably the most busy-bodied people on the planet. (You know you are, facebook friends!)

All the while, they accomplish all this while popping out a couple of kids. God bless them, I don’t know how they do it!

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